Have You Wondered Series - The Hotel Room

Has anyone wondered about the weird things placed in a hotel room? I think these things have been so prevalent in hotel rooms, that new hoteliers feel that not having them will somehow affect their star ratings. No one cares to think why these items were placed in the first place.  Let me elaborate:

There is generally an electronic vault in the wardrobe with a fancy note beautifully placed above it which says something like “At Royal Resorts we care for the safety of your belongings. Hence each room is equipped with the finest quality vault. However, we are not responsible for any loss or thefts. (Huh!!). We suggest, if you have anything very precious to you, please hand it over at the reception. We have special vaults at the reception which will ensure the safety of your valuables. Once again, the hotel management is not responsible for any loss. (Are you kidding me!!)” Well thanks being honest about the honesty of your staff. That was very reassuring to hear on the first day of my stay.

And how about trying to get into the bed. The blankets are so tightly tucked in. Its like the housekeepers are trying to tell you “Its for your own good; so that you don’t fall of the bed” or “I just made the bed today, I don’t wanna redo it tomorrow” or “I did a great job, you jackass, how about you try ‘n lose some fat first”

And finally, the bathroom. The moment you enter the bathroom, you notice the huge mirror across the length of the room. Does anyone really enjoy looking at their naked self? I guess the beer-bellied guys won’t mind. It helps them keep a check on how their ‘thing’ is doing (FYI… I ain’t one of them). But seriously. What purpose does it serve. I could think of only one purpose; and I can tell you this because I tried it. You can actually play a game in there. Try peeing while looking in the mirror. It’s a complete mindf*** to get the aim right. Or probably I felt that way cause I was a bit too wasted.

And the weirdest part.. A telephone – placed right adjacent to the pot. Whenever I see that, I hope none of my friends call me from in there. I can imagine how the conversation would go:

V: Hello Ojas

O: Hey Vinit, How are you doing?

V: MMMhhh.. my situation is a bit tight right now.

O: Why? What happened?

V: There is this thing stuck inside of me.. MMHh. Just can’t get it out.

O: Oh. I know how you feel man. It’s sometimes very tough to let people know how you feel. But it hurts to keep such things inside. And it doesn’t help the relationship.

V: The relationship? Anyway, so what do you do in such situations.. MMhh

O: You gotta get it out of you no matter what the consequences. Just go for it man.  Don’t let emotions bog you.

V: Emotions? You mean pain?

O: Yeah. The pain. Go for it dude. Focus. Try real hard.

V: Ok Let me try.. MMMMMMhh

O: WTF.

Time to hang up.